I started off my blog very hectic and I think we need a topic that is slightly more light hearted.
This is such an important topic, since so many people that I speak to, manage to get this completely wrong. I believe this is the most important earthly choice you have to make, because it should be an everlasting choice. You can always get a new job!
What makes me the expert? Well, I am not. However, I am indeed happily married and I certainly did a couple of things right and a lot of things wrong that we can learn from:
I already started at preschool with my first encounter with the opposite sex, when a much older girl decided to play doctor-doctor with me. Wow, lucky me! Just a pity I was to young to appreciate it!
I think from that day on I was intrigue with girls.
I was much older when I fell in love for the first time: Ah yes, falling in love..the ability to fly high in the clouds...everything is wonderfull, you cannot stop smiling...life is bliss.
Here comes the first lesson in choosing a life partner: You are at your most vulnerable when you are in love, because you cannot think straight. You do not have the ability to see the person for whom she/he is and you do not want to see it. Give yourself time to know the the other person's worst side. Look carefully for signs that you cannot live with on the long term.
I dated and went out with a lot of girls in my lifetime. So much, I cannot recall half of their names, only albums full of unidentified girls. I do not regret anything. Each one taught me something about myself and something about what I would like to see in a life partner and something I would not like to see in a life partner. Some could have been my life partner, but I was either to young or looking for something else. (Getting lucky?)
When I got older, it was the other way around. I thought I met Mrs Right, but they were not ready. Sometimes finding a life partner is all about meeting the right person at the right time of your life.
If you clearly see this person is a misfit..move on..Do not waste precious time to find the right one just because it is convenient to stay with the wrong one...I find that out, the hard way.
As time went by, I came closer to find the right one, because I got to know myself better. You can't decide what you want if you do not know yourself well. Give yourself time to regroup after a failed relationship, because you can put yourself at risk by being needy and overly anxious and then find yourself in a wrong relationship again. Work at your mistakes you have made during past failed relationships. I found out that most girls complained about the same things about me. Surely, then the complaints was valid and I had to do something about it!
At 32 years old I was still a bachelor and if I may add, a horrible one: Completely undomesticated and still looking for Mrs Right! I was thinking: Am I going to eat my own terrible food, not even fit for a dog, for the rest of my life?
Next lesson: Do not hate being single! Embrace every moment! Love comes when you least expect it. However, try and make your life love friendly. Staying with your parents in a single bed and never coming out of your home is not really improving your chances to find your true love is it? Get yourself out there!! Which takes me to my next point: Where to find a life partner?
Finding a life partner in the city is really tough, but I believe there is certain things you can do to increase your chances. Drinking in a bar every night might increase your chance to get lucky for a one night stand, but not finding your soul mate.
Here is some pointers:
This is such an important topic, since so many people that I speak to, manage to get this completely wrong. I believe this is the most important earthly choice you have to make, because it should be an everlasting choice. You can always get a new job!
What makes me the expert? Well, I am not. However, I am indeed happily married and I certainly did a couple of things right and a lot of things wrong that we can learn from:
I already started at preschool with my first encounter with the opposite sex, when a much older girl decided to play doctor-doctor with me. Wow, lucky me! Just a pity I was to young to appreciate it!
I think from that day on I was intrigue with girls.
I was much older when I fell in love for the first time: Ah yes, falling in love..the ability to fly high in the clouds...everything is wonderfull, you cannot stop smiling...life is bliss.
Here comes the first lesson in choosing a life partner: You are at your most vulnerable when you are in love, because you cannot think straight. You do not have the ability to see the person for whom she/he is and you do not want to see it. Give yourself time to know the the other person's worst side. Look carefully for signs that you cannot live with on the long term.
I dated and went out with a lot of girls in my lifetime. So much, I cannot recall half of their names, only albums full of unidentified girls. I do not regret anything. Each one taught me something about myself and something about what I would like to see in a life partner and something I would not like to see in a life partner. Some could have been my life partner, but I was either to young or looking for something else. (Getting lucky?)
When I got older, it was the other way around. I thought I met Mrs Right, but they were not ready. Sometimes finding a life partner is all about meeting the right person at the right time of your life.
If you clearly see this person is a misfit..move on..Do not waste precious time to find the right one just because it is convenient to stay with the wrong one...I find that out, the hard way.
As time went by, I came closer to find the right one, because I got to know myself better. You can't decide what you want if you do not know yourself well. Give yourself time to regroup after a failed relationship, because you can put yourself at risk by being needy and overly anxious and then find yourself in a wrong relationship again. Work at your mistakes you have made during past failed relationships. I found out that most girls complained about the same things about me. Surely, then the complaints was valid and I had to do something about it!
At 32 years old I was still a bachelor and if I may add, a horrible one: Completely undomesticated and still looking for Mrs Right! I was thinking: Am I going to eat my own terrible food, not even fit for a dog, for the rest of my life?
Next lesson: Do not hate being single! Embrace every moment! Love comes when you least expect it. However, try and make your life love friendly. Staying with your parents in a single bed and never coming out of your home is not really improving your chances to find your true love is it? Get yourself out there!! Which takes me to my next point: Where to find a life partner?
Finding a life partner in the city is really tough, but I believe there is certain things you can do to increase your chances. Drinking in a bar every night might increase your chance to get lucky for a one night stand, but not finding your soul mate.
Here is some pointers:
- Hang out at places where you can find somebody that shares the same interest, for example: gym, church, book clubs,
- Among your friends; friends who know friends
- Accept invitations to parties, even if you do not want to go
I met my wife at a bible study group, while I was dating somebody else at the time. I was blown away from the first moment I met her. I have never seen such a beautiful girl in my life. After I broke up with the other girl, I started dating Heleen.
She had all the characteristics I was looking for: generous, love for children, booming with self-confidence, sociable, great cook, loving, kind-hearted, knew what she wanted in life, hard-working, high integrity, unselfish, good Christian morals, good communicator, emotionally and intellectually intelligent, loyal and trustworthy. (It is 6 years down the line and I still feel the same about her.)
We fitted like a glove. It was like an angel fell from the sky..the long waiting was over. The easy part was over, I was ready for the next adventure of my life: How to keep a life partner
Stay updated for my next blog
5 comments:
Op die ou ent, of jy 'n life partner het of nie, kan mens maar nie wegkom van die feit dat die belangrikste en moeilikste proses is om met jouself te leer saamleef... die goed, die sleg en die lelik! X A
Ricus
I always say that God knew he should send me my wife quickly because I would have been a poor bachelor. We got married at 25 after going out for almost 7 years. Since then we have been one team, sharing everything in our life. After 15-years my advice would be: Don't ever get used to each other, Don't take your life together for granted, Don't have any secrets and share everything, especially your money.
Ettienne
Waar woorde!
Jy hoef darem nie die taal van die anti-chris met my te praat nie! Ek skryf net in engels sodat oorsese en engelse bloggers dit kan lees! My volgende blog gaan juis hoe om jou vrou te behou!
Hmmm, as mens verlief is, kyk jy die gevaartekens soms, eintlik meestal, mis! Of jy is net te naïef om dit te erken.... Ek het vas geglo hy was die regte een vir my, maar het na 7/8 jaar hard aarde toe gekom! Ja, die grootste fout wat mens kan maak, is om nie na 'n mislukte verhouding heel te word voor jy in 'n nuwe een betrokke raak nie! Het ek daai fout ook gemaak. Solank mens uit jou foute leer, nê!
Sien uit na jou volgende blog!
Jammer, man. Ek was so meegeveor deur jou keurige taal dat ek nou nie my boers hier wou uithaal nie, maar nou dat ons makliker kommunikeer, hier is my 20 ander tips in Afrikaans:
1)
2)
3)....
Lekker bly
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